User blog:The Flatwoods Monster/Jaws vs Sharknado- Epic Rat Battles of Horror Off-Season/Shark Week Special
Hello everyone, and welcome to the third off-season for Epic Rat Battles of Horror. Today, in honor of Shark Week, we have a completely improbable battle, between none other then the recent hit "unnatural disaster," Sharknado, facing off against none other then the original terror of the deep, Steven Spielbergs Jaws, to see who is the real OG of the sea!.. sorry. This matchup comes to us by noneother then the likes of BackToTheFutureama, and I feel like Dragon suggested it at least once. I'm not going to tag them because I am way too lazy. If you don't remember the premise of off-seasons, it's battles that either didn't make sense or are between two characters I didn't see fit for having their own on-season battle. In this case, a tornado full of sharks and a giant shark don't qualify, but we're still letting them go at it, so let's get started. Also, I should mention, this might be my favorite battle so far. Yep. A fucking off season about sharks is my favorite xD The Battle Instrumental- Epic Rap Beat (Shark 1 in bold, Shark 2 in italics, Shark 3 is normal) Announcer: (0:18) EPIC RAT BATTLES OF HORROR! (OFF-SEASON!) JAWS! VS! SHARK...nado? BEGIN! Sharknado: (0:29) There’s a new big fish in our pond! Swim aside for some REAL sharks! Time to face the reason Spielberg should have stuck with Jurassic Park, So swallow our rhymes like you swallow barrels, this guppy is dead! We’re your teacher, horrible creature! We’re gonna beat ya! Enough said! It’s not Penny-wise of you to face us, we’ll let our inner beast loose, And reduce this douche, Bruce until he’s turned to Shark Fin Soup! We trashed Los Angeles! All you did was kill some dudes swimming in the nude, You’re screwed, dude! These fish aren’t friends!'' And YOU’RE the food!' '''Jaws: (0:50)' These three pieces of diseased mincemeat want beef with this beast? I’m theUltimate Predator on the mic and you’re about to see Jaws Unleashed Measuring twenty five feet, you’ll find yourself deceased against me, Your lives will decrease as you see my thirty-three teeth coming at you in 3D- Unless you want to learn about the food chain, I recommend you start to run, Or in your case, fly, before I turn you into three buckets of chum! I’m in the top twenty villains, you’ll wish that hurricane had never struck- There’s Nova way you can win, even Cory Monteith knows you suck! Sharknado: (1:12) Are you finally Finn-ished rapping? We’ve got the deadliest rhymes! ''' '''We’re top predators of the sky! ''I preferred your appearance in Family Guy! '' Need we say more? We’re the trainers of this freak of nature! Face the facts, creep! '''''You’re the reason Great Whites are endangered!! Jaws: (1:22) Your future is looking dark, time to dig in and tear you all apart, Calling you three “smart” would truly be Jumping the Shark, Your shit was so low budget, you’re like the Birdemic’s sister, bitch! I just shot you out of the sky, ‘cause there’s always a bigger fish (The music stops as the waves around Jaws start to swish back in forth, until a large tital wave blows by, pushing Jaws alongside Sharknado. The monster behind the wave surfaces to reveal... Sharktopus?? Umm... okay.) Sharktopus: (1:33) Always a bigger fish? That’s the smartest thing you’ve said all day, But you’re no longer in Blue Waters, this predator’s found his prey! Damn right, I’m big and bad, watch as these tentacles pierce through ya, This carnivore is unbeatable, just ask Mermantula and Ptericuda! Sharknado, you’re messing with cities while I terrorize the Bahamas, Jaws, you may be big, but let’s see you beat my main man, Piranhaconda, To me, you four are lobsters waiting to be slaughtered, in my waters, ‘Cause I’m fifty percent shark, fifty percent octopus, one hundred percent fucking monster! Announcer: (1:55) WHO WON? WHO'S NEXT? YOU DECIDE!!!... I guess... EPIC RAT! '''(the logo has a large bite taken out of it, with a chomping sound) '''BATTLES OF HORRORRRR! Conclusion Who Won? Sharknado Jaws Sharktopus Note: Sup guys! I'm counting this as my first "Holiday" special (Even though Shark Week isn't a holiday) but I definitely want to do more of these. I have one for Halloween planned, but I want to hear your suggestions for Leprechaun (Leprechaun) and Krampus. Have a good one, and enjoy Shark Week! Category:Blog posts